


It Could Have Been Me

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Series: In Another Love [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Some Fluff, sets up for the next part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 10:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15749625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: Nick goes to Brandon's wedding after he receives the invitation in the mail. It's funny how these things turn out, he always thought it would have been him at the altar.





	It Could Have Been Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm experimenting with these two. I really love Nick Leddy and obviously Barzy plus their friendship irl is really cute. Let me know what you think. I have a few ideas where this could go as a series so we'll see...

                Nick's family hadn't liked the idea of him going to Brandon's wedding. After all, even after all these years, they had thought that it would be Nick and Brandon's wedding, a day that was supposed to be the happiest day in Nick's life.

                Here, though, he was just a guest. It was good to see some of his old teammates, most of the Blackhawks had been invited and he hadn't really seen them outside of a hockey capacity since he'd been traded. He'd been put at a table with them and a few guys who'd been traded along the way. A few of them, the ones who had seen how Nick and Brandon used to be, who knew and had kept their secret faithfully all these years, looked at him with sadness. They treated him with gloves on, they had since Brandon had announced his engagement, and Nick felt suffocated by it.

                Brandon was so, so happy. It had been clear in all the photos that he'd posted on Instagram and Nick was a first-hand witness to it since he'd arrived for the rehearsal dinner. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he used to look at Nick that way. He had had a way of looking at Nick as though he was the only person that mattered in the world. And now he was looking at his wife that way.

                Nick couldn't begrudge him his happiness though. All he wanted, all he ever wanted was for Brandon to be happy, and now he was. But the selfish part, the part that only a few people saw wanted Brandon to be happy with him.

                He almost couldn't remember a reason why they'd broken up. Nobody had cheated. Nobody had said or done something unforgiveable. Instead they'd just grown apart. Nick had felt that since he moved to New York. He'd been unhappy for a while from the trade and the distance between New York and Chicago had seemed like an ocean apart. Skype sex and late night phone calls between games wasn't the same as being in Chicago. Maybe if they'd started out this way, if they'd promised from the beginning to try doing it long-distance, it would have been different. But the memories of what once had been haunted them. A relationship couldn't survive off of being together for a few weekends during the season and then splitting the summer between their hometowns.

                The breakup was almost inevitable by the end of Brandon's first season in Columbus. Nick had flown out to Pittsburgh to visit Brandon and then had a wonderful week together. But the end was looming over them. The day before Nick was supposed to fly back to Minnesota, Brandon grabbed his hand and they walked to a small park near his parents' house. He'd been off all day, growing distant as the week continued on and Nick knew what Brandon was going to say before they even reached the grassy hill of the park.

                He'd been surprised when Brandon had taken his hand without a second thought. "I want to remember this," he'd said as if that was an explanation.

                "I love you, I love you so, so much, you know that, right Nick?" Brandon asked.

                Nick had swallowed thickly, "Yeah, I know."

                "But you know this isn't working out any more," Brandon said. "I can't keep doing this with you in New York and me here, it wasn't supposed to be like this, we were supposed the be Hawks for life."

                "I'm sorry," Nick said. And he was, he wondered if that year, if he'd just tried harder, worked out more, if he wouldn't have been traded. And if he hadn't been traded then maybe Brandon wouldn't have been either.

                "I am too," Brandon said, "I don't want this, but I don't think we can do this anymore."

                They'd both seen this coming. They both knew that the end was near even before the post season, but Brandon's words gave it finality. Nick hated the way he was the one brave enough to end it, because if it was up to Nick, they wouldn't have had this conversation. They'd go on and on until they were both exhausted and burnt out and fighting all the time. Nick had stayed at a hotel that night crying into the mattress and called a cab to the airport in the morning. He didn't sleep at all that night, he didn't really sleep for the next couple of days either. He just felt empty. His mother knew what had happened when he returned home. She didn't ask questions, but instead told him to take a shower and then head off to bed even though it was too early.

                A part of him, though, thought that one day, maybe after they both retired or became free agents, that they'd end up back together. Nick and Brandon. It just seemed inevitable. But then Andy sent over a picture of Brandon and his new girlfriend a few months later, and Nick's heart sank. Brandon had moved on.

               

               His brother had called him crazy for going to Brandon's wedding after he'd received the save the date card. "You can't be serious?" Tyler said when he took one look at the names on the fancy stationary.

                Nick had shrugged, "We're good."

                Tyler just rolled his eyes, "It's fucking weird that he even invited you."

                "Hey, we're friends."

                "Yeah, I get that, but I'm not inviting my exes to my wedding no matter how good of friends we are."

                "It'll be fine," Nick said. And it was when Nick ignored the dull ache of seeing Brandon and seeing Brandon so happy, but it'd be okay. He'd be okay. Nick tried to have fun. He danced with a couple of bridesmaids, had a few more drinks than usual, and Brandon was so busy that they didn't really interact. But then someone had the bright idea of gathering all the Stanley Cup winners from 2013 and Brandon was squished in the middle of them. After a few pictures that made Nick's eyes water from the flash, they all gradually dispersed. Somehow, though, Brandon and Nick were left together.

                "Hey, thanks for coming," Brandon said.

                "Yeah, uh, congratulations," Nick said.

                "Thanks," Brandon said. "Fuck, this is awkward, it was never awkward between us before."

                "Sorry," Nick said.

                "Are you happy?" Brandon asked.

                "What?" Nick swallowed.

                "Are you happy now? And I don't mean with the Islanders, you know with other things," Brandon waved his hand, but Nick knew what he meant. "Shawzy says you haven't dated anyone lately." Not since Brandon. Not seriously at least.

                Nick shrugged, "You know, things have been busy I guess."

                "I want you to get over me," Brandon said. "Sorry, that was harsh, but I know you and that's the reason I invited you. I wanted this to be the closure you deserved. The closure I couldn't give you back in Pittsburgh."

                "Am I supposed to thank you?" Nick asked.

                "No, just I want you to be happy. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy because you deserve it and you deserve to have someone standing up at that altar for you."

                Nick let out a deep sigh. He knew that if he started to talk he'd start crying and he really didn't want to do that.

                "I want us to get back to what we were," Brandon said, "if that's possible."

                "Yeah, I think one day it might be," Nick said, "Just give me time, okay?"

                "I can do that."

 

 

                Nick left the wedding shortly after that. He said goodbye to the people he wanted to and quietly slipped out. It wasn't that late, not even midnight, but Nick just couldn't be there anymore. He didn't want to think about what could have been or what he could have done differently or what Brandon had said. He just wanted to stop thinking, so he did the only thing he could think of, he fished out his phone and flipped through his contacts.

                The phone rang for a couple of times, long enough that Nick wondered if he'd get the voicemail, but then the line crackled and a cheerful voice answered.

                "Hey Nick, I thought you were at Saad's wedding," Mat said. Nick could hear voices in the background and he knew that Mat was somewhere.

                "Yeah, sorry, I just... are you busy?" Nick asked.

                "What's wrong?" Mat asked and Nick remembered that Mat didn't know the half of it, that was probably why he called him in the first place.

                "Can you just talk, please?" Nick asked. "I just-"

                "No, I get it," Mat said. "So I went to this concert a couple of days ago. Nobody famous, just some local band, the drummer's a friend of a friend or something, and it was fucking awful. My god, all the songs sounded the same and the singer was off key. Do you know how many songs they sang, Nick? Ten. I counted. Ten fucking songs from an opener."

                Nick pressed the phone closer to his ear and offered a watery laugh as Mat continued on with his story. No questions asked.

                It was a little while later, after Mat had gone through a couple of stories about his sister and cousins at some family get together that Nick decided to head back to his hotel. When the conversation reached it's natural end, there was a pause on Mat's end.

                "You're gonna be okay, right?" Mat asked.

                "Yeah, I'll be fine, thanks Mat," Nick said.

                "Any time," Mat said and Nick could hear the smile in his voice. Yeah, he'd be fine.


End file.
